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Most of us have something we used a lot and then quietly set down.
What was yours? What did it provide you with while it still fit, and what made it stop fitting?
You don't have to feel negative toward it now or even defend it. Just the honest middle: it mattered, then it didn't in the same way.
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I'll be honest with you. In a lot of ways I feel I have outgrown myself. It's not because I'm older, or know more. It's because, I experience inspiration very quickly.
I'll take a look at who I was 10 years ago, and wonder why I spent so much time invested into a world that I thought was the center of my attention, but I did not realize passed me by when reality came crashing in.
Covid really messed me up. A decade ago I lived a very different life. I don't even know where any of that went now. I had friends, who were quite outgoing and social people. They're all dead now. And some of them, only 30, 40 etc. We all followed what each other was doing, and did that successfully for years.
If one of us were on a radio show, we'd all call in to it. If one of us joined a new group, we'd all go. If one of us planned a road trip to see the other, we'd all get a visit or pitch in.
And the biggest change, was that I accepted transience as something we all knew was working in the background through our care for each other. We didn't question everything, or feel nearly as private, insecure or lost as we might today. Broken, and hollow was not words I knew from within back then.
The thing I miss the most, is that we followed what the other wanted. be it a new book, or just a study we had in common.
I genuinely don't know where it all disappeared to. I never had money problems back then either. If one of us couldn't cover something, we all just shuffled things around to participate. We were an active coven, largely in our own way living our own lives but we didn't let that stop us. None of us were remotely close to having a mental crisis. We were very stable people.
When the big community networks started disappearing, we were sad about it. But the center of our world was still hey let's talk on this or that platform, and we didn't even care. Nowadays I can't stand transience because it reminds me of everyone I lost, and the places we went to, they're not the same. And more than half were online that don't exist anymore.
I was extremely liberal back then. My faith was believing in our collective. I am now ultra conservative. and my faith is praying there's a way back to peace and away from war, violence and fraud. I have little time to live the unguarded, care-free life I once did. the only thing that's changed, is that I started getting my psychic abilities back after a 5+ year return. Like even spirit didn't want to participate in whatever that was.
I haven't been the same since. Covid, wasn't something I was ever afraid of. the permanent loss of people who knew me, and their sudden deteriorating mental health, and livelihoods one after the other...that entire cascade of events...and the shit that followed...it truly does haunt me. I outgrew myself since 2020, and woke up in this world full of AI and a total loss of inspiration that's only now starting to come back. And I genuinely wish it won't disappear.
I will always be someone who will entrust in the process of being able to live and let live. My genuine faith in humanity, having woke up to such a world of short tempered acceptance though, that's going to take some more time to heal.
Finding new friends whose attentiveness could be in question without having to really push your luck at times, that's something I have also outgrown. Plus the once popular spiritual gurus who promised a lot through courses, memberships and spiritual retreats that now just end up being money pits. I won't participate in those. I miss not caring about the experience, just sharing it with someone who was just as new as I was. And that's something I can get for free, on a site like this.
I feel like I'm a me that's survived hell in a lot of ways, and still searching for heaven with anyone else who feels inclined to do so as well. All I can do is reach out, and see if anyone's still around that remembered what it was like to join worlds we didn't have to do anything but participate in as they unfolded around us without much expectation other than presence, showing up and finding common ground wherever it can be found.
I used to be in three covens through the decades, but they have disappeared, so I am now a Solitary Witch which at times I am happy with but I get bored doing Esbats by myself. I do miss being around other witches and enjoying their energies and now that is gone. It is sad and I wish there were people around with like minded ideas.
What was or is your practice?
I started out with shamanism then added Druidry into the mix.
Ritualistic meditation is mine. I start and end with nature.
Ashes to ashes. Blessings to purpose. Purpose to blessings. And the cycle renews as blessed things return to ash. the renewal of energy usually through nature spirits, tree spirits, and fae. Seasonal fae specifically.
I don't use a god or goddess. But I do use ancestral collectives. Bones of the mother, renew the brother. Bones of the father, renew the sister. Fertility charms, etc.
I know it wouldn't be the same, but have you thought about getting involved in some virtual circles? I know there are groups out there who get together during these times.
We are still quite small here, but you could always put together a group and start connecting with other witches. Just a thought.
Good idea Bryan. I am so glad your wonderful group is still here!!! Thank you