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Fractured Spirituality

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I've always considered myself a spiritual person. I never held onto any one belief system for too long though. Sure, there were periods in my life where I thought I had everything figured out. I attached to various ideas and then tried to see life through those lenses.

That worked for a while, but about five years ago, things took an unexpected turn. I went through something. Some would call it a Dark Knight of the Soul and others would point toward some type of awakening. The truth is, I still don't know what it was, but it definitely reshaped the way I look at things and also left a bit of a mark in the process. 

The whole experience really opened my eyes and pushed me away from anything spritual for quite some time. I cracked the door open here and there, but simply didn't feel comfortable or interested. I think it's because of how long it took me to digest the idea that there are other factors at play out there most of us remain unaware of. That might sound like a bit of a stretch, but watching my daughter go through it a couple of years later really solidified my thoughts. She had no idea what I experienced and there were simply too many similarities. None of it made any logical sense, but that's a different story for a different day. Fast forward to now, we still have our moments, but we're doing better. 

This is where I'm stuck right now. About a month ago my ability to read unexpectedly came back and I started playing with my cards again. I do feel strange about it since I also read a little from the Bible each morning, but I tend to go where I'm pulled. It's just how it is. I'm not sure how I feel about my cards yet either or reading in general. I'm just being mindful of walking back down a road that leads to what I went through before.

All in all, my sense of spirituality is somewhat fractured. I'm happy to be back here, but these days I'm a nomad aimlessly wandering through life trying to find my home. I'm like The Hermit in tarot looking to spread a little bit of light along the way. I just don't know what my next step is, where my belief is, or where I'm currently being led. Right now I'm just trying to focus on family. For the rest, I suppose time will tell and I'm okay with that.

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Comments

  • When I noticed in the Koran a comment that explained that " this is the last message to the last community on the list"" I began to wonder was there a first, and if the oldest religion like Hindu, as an example, was given in the same way, could the source for all religions be the same? Seems the additional statement clarified that it was for Arabic speakers only since it was designed to help their understanding by using cultural references that would fit their mindset. How funny would it be that all religions were given to each culture over time when they were ready for it?. Seems to have been forgotten by each religion that it was given for your culture and that warring with other cultures was not required since in time they would get information designed for them to understand from their mindset. If all religions or spiritual teachings come from the same source then can we pick and choose which items we want to use or understand best and is it a problem if the source is the same for all teachings?
    • Larry, that’s a question I’ve thought a lot about over the years.

      I’ve always leaned toward the idea that different paths were given (or arose) in the language and symbols a particular people could actually receive at the time. Then they translated it and let it evolve into something they could live with. Same source, different clothing. If that’s even partly true, picking up what resonates and leaving the rest isn’t really theft or disloyalty in my opinion. It’s just choosing a different path to the same destination.

      For me, I still don’t have a finished map, and I’m grateful for that. When I stopped needing one tradition to be the only valid one, everything began to feel less fractured and restrictive.

      Appreciate you putting the thought out there.
    • It shouldn't need to be a problem. I go into more detail about why I believe this here.
      https://templeluminara.com/blog/forgiveness-from-within
      Suffice it to say, I don't believe that one entity should have the power to just create and destroy beyond those who they care for. And even then, it just fundamentally and principally makes me feel like not all aspects to tribal culture beyond the need to keep survival skills at bay, must graduate to an awakening of soulful discovery at this level.
      In regards to whether there's really just one source for all religions, well, I believe that yes. that would be the soul. How you traverse your hereafter is what they ultimately wish to help you with as a collective if it's popular, or as a personal journey if it's a few powerful friends whom you keep in close contact with through some form of energy signature, etheric, astral, metaphysical, celestial, doesn't matter, same story.
      Now, do I believe entering or leaving this realm without spiritual guidance or assistance is possible? that's another issue entirely...I think making spiritual connections will 100% improve your odds of you ending up where you feel you most belong out there. If you name a place, there is likely some version of it in existence somewhere. Figuring out or knowing exactly how you will come to find that journey to be possible, is personally something I am still in search of to this very day. I only ever desire to not be alone when that time comes for me. Having met and experienced multiple levels of incarnation in this realm, I would like to visit others for a time.
      Forgiveness From Within
      I'll be honest. I don't want to have this conversation. Not now, not ever. It pisses me off that spirit is not letting this go. But I'm going to give…
    • Good question.
  • I too have gone through something similar, but it was because I got too involved in some things, not the opposite. And have come back around a similar time. Definitely changed for sure.
  • Thanks for your comment, Bill. What's interesting is that 'Knight' was definitely a typo, but your description of how it could be interpreted was spot on. Perhaps this was some type of subconscious thing. I don't know, but I could probably write a book on the experiences I've had over the last 5-6 years.
    • I'm kind of hoping after you work out the kinks that you start writing about some of those experiences!
  • Interesting that you spelled Knight with a K. I've always spelled Night in its more traditional spelling when referring to dark night of the soul. It's kind of like the Kansas song, Point of Know Return. Using that K really kind of stops the reader and makes them ponder exactly what meaning they should bring forth? In this case would a Dark Knight be an evil entity or demon? Whereas Dark Night might reflect a darkening of emotions or surrounding conditions that have become almost too much to bear. That K definitely made me stop and reconsider where, or what, your dark night really represented.
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